How To Find Good Friends (and Less Enemies) – Frankly speaking, how many good friends do you currently have?
Oh, I have a lot of friends. I have four thousand nine hundred and ninety nine friends on facebook and a bunch of kiddos who follow my instagram account. But, does it count as a friends? Can you call them at 2AM asking for help, if you are in a crisis situation, can you call them for help? How many of them, that you can tell your stories about your life to them? Or you just tell everything to strangers? to stalkers? Please don’t.
Okay, man man are tend to become isolated about their stories, about their current live, they only share it to best friends. While woman, have their own natural ability to connect to other women. They easily tell stories and tends to open themselves to every other women who have the same stories or situation.
I once lived in a small village in Malaysia. Everyone knew you… and your business. There were not many places to hide your doings and belongings. I felt so insecure at some level but still I felt secure when I know that others people in village were watching each other, so when one get sick, everyone knew and helping each other. It all happen in the past, but still, at that moment, I felt like I longed for community and close friends.
So, okay, let’s start over again, about how many good friends you have at this moment? At this moment, I have only 2, no, 3? Perhaps more, but it can still counted by hand. Don’t you worry! People may have a thousand of friends, but best friend, a few of them is enough!
But what if you even have one that could be called as a friends?
Relax, Open and Connect. It often called ROC.
The first thing you have to do is, relax. You don’t want to rush thing and annoyed people around you, right? So, relax. In relaxing, sometimes one may feel anxious, but that is actually OK. Your body can feel what you can’t feel by itself. Your nervous system located inside your body starts to habituate to that pace along with all those around you. By relaxing, you are more capable of doing the next step.
Once you have relaxed, you are more capable to open up yourself to being vulnerable to others. Actually this is the “key” to start a friendships. Without vulnerability, you don’t have a relationship, it only called interaction. Well, being vulnerable is somehow scary or ashamed, and you may be rejected or hurt. But without vulnerability, every person has nothing to connect except saying hello or good morning everytime you met.
Being vulnerable to others, means you are human. Sure, someone will not like the way you are, but, many more will “want to” and “will want to” be vulnerable with you.
Once you relax and open up yourself, you are ready for the next step, it’s called “connect”. Connect is connect, talking, interacting, chit-chat. If vulnerable is the “key”, connect here is the “door”. Shifting from being a passive person to actually active is somehow by moving forward to connect and you have to give up some control. Sure you can connect from your hyper-persona, but you know what’s will come. If you want more friends faster, apply this ROC.
How To Find Good Friends
The key to do ROC is actually creating a safe space. You might feel unsafe, and your physiology will change into its survival state. When your body believes that it’s at risk, you aren’t able to naturally oriented to friendship.
So, the point is, if you somehow feel uncomfortable, there’s a good chance that other person might also feel uncomfortable. When you speak up to what’s happened or what makes you feel uncomfortable, others can relax, others can also admit that they also felt the same. When you said that you are actually nervous, others will relax, because they might feel the same, everyone has to start somewhere. Nobody will be a pro in one night.
Now, when you have slowing down, relax, and make a comfortable situation, you need say something that might makes others happy. If your friends love to enjoy nature, invite them to a park or joining a hiking club, or plan for a hiking together.
Now, that process up till now, will more likely give you a tons of friends. Not many, but you could apply it everyone you want to be friends with. Don’t force it, they might not want it. Play it cool.
With clarity comes taking a stand for what you want. This is a sayings that tell no to your friend that aren’t giving you energy or just make you stress. You know what I mean here, some friends will only takes advantages from you, and you have to be able to say NO when it comes. You can tell, when a friend only called you when they are in crisis, when they need money, and when they called you, and you saw his name on your phone, you feel hesitate to pick it up.
If you are searching for a “best friends”, a friend that will jump to a river to save you, no no, that’s only a saying, no one will actually jumped to a river, that only happened in movies. But some people will actually help you when you called them at 2A.M in the morning, and when you find that person, never ever disappointed them.